Why am I in this kind of state of mind? I must have eaten something wrong or slept much or lacked something; I just don’t know. I was feeling pretty okay this weekend, not until I saw my payslip – it broke my heart and felt that this is really a sign that I should MOVE OUT !!!! So, where did I go wrong? Actually, there are a lot of reason for me to be happy, today! First, when I opened my FB, I was stunned to see that finally, he liked my picture. Aww.. Without second thoughts, I immediately captured a screenshot of it – remembrance. This was the first time, and it made me feel that I really exist! He really knows that I needed a reason to smile. I badly need something to uplift my spirit. And, yeag, like always, he was there, at the right time. Am starting to think if he has a radar or something like that that whenever my endorphin are at critical level, he rescues me, by doing something. I can’t thank him enough for everything that he does, unconsciously, for me.
Now, I missing him. And it breaks a piece of me, as I reminisce how badly I treated him. He was kind, gentle, and just perfectly right; all I care was protecting myself from a fall, that could’ve broken my entirety. You can not blame me for being a paranoid and a control freak.
Damn! We could’ve been friends; if only I was strong enough to fight my urge and choose the right path. It’s hard to be in my position, especially when all that comes out of his mouth are sweet nothings; I’m just a weak human, my heart easily melts. Enough of scratching scars. Every time I’m reminded of him, I silently whisper a prayer for him, that God grant him the happiness he deserves. I’m not asking for more, even before, all I want is for us to be friends. And I’m tooooooo stupid to push him away. It’s the memories that I miss most; how everything used to be.
One more blessing to start my week, TWIN is here early. It became my habit to stare at his station, every time I enter this work space, and to my delight, he was there @ around 20:03. It took me a few seconds before I realized that it was him, sitting in his place! I can’t even remember if I was able to control my smile, or if I did smile at him without knowing it. To add to my caught in the act scene, he was staring at the door when I came in! So, needless to say, I AM CAUGHT! I wasn’t just expecting that he’ll be there that early. If only I knew he’d come early, then I could’ve come early as well.
God moves in mysterious ways.
Just when I felt like I’ve had enough, he gives me reason to stay.
I am prepared to leave, but memories hold me back. My friends, the plans yet to be fulfilled, crush, and the work itself – all are hard to give up. With all the blessings I received, I can’t totally say that I hate this place. It’s not perfect but I sincerely love staying here.
Be brave to take a step forward …