I keep on whining and thanking at the same time. I know, I have to find a new path, change direction, have a new life, a much stable one, but why am I still stuck in here? It’s not that I’m not brave enough to leave, nor afraid to be seen as someone who gives up in the middle of nowhere, well, I guess, it’s a little of the latter. I must admit that I never excel in this one. Yes, I may work hard, even extend office hours at home to fill in the gap of my sleepless nights and days, and believe it or not, I enjoy doing it, but is it enough? Lately, I’ve been pondering on what really matters? I can say that I found comfort in this job, even though I am not happy anymore. What makes me happy, by the way? Aside from friends whom I share and learn different stuff, it’s my crushes, that holds me to stay. Funny, but, knowing myself, I just want to enjoy each moment. As long as my heart feels contented; then I’m on it. I’m not just lazy, I’m also stupid!!!! Imagine, staying for someone without wanting anything in return. I’m willing to stay for as long as I can spend nights with him, just staring as he passes by.
I know, I have to move out from this comfort zone. I may not be physically fit now; I can no longer can stay awake and stay energized without an hour of sleep, but, these are all a product of my laziness. I AM LAZY.
I should start the change now. I’ve decided that I want a new life. It’s never easy to leave and get separated from the regular routine I’ve been doing for the past year and a half, but I have to. I’m not doing it for myself alone, I have to stay motivated and instill in my mind that I have a family; my brother and my 2 niece. I will do this change for them.
I deserve a lot, more than what this place is capable of giving.
Starting from now, I will detach myself.
It’s hard, but not impossible.
I have to break from this bad habit I learned unconsciously.
I’ll find a much better place, whre I can build new friendship, and find someone to please my eyes and heart.
I should not embrace this comfort zone, and instead find something new worth fighting for.
I can’t just sit here and wait for something to do. I’m all fed up of staying in silence and understanding. I can snap any moment and be honest and hurt feelings. Will it be worth it to lose my values, for just a mtter of minutes or hours?
My mind’s clouded up with dark and heavy clouds lately, and it’s been days since I last saw the light. It’s decided, I have to wait for a couple of days, a few months, before I can soar high and create a new nest somewhere else.
He’s not mine, I am not his. I will enjoy the smile while it last; while I’m still here, while he’s still here. Nothing to expect; just his existence, is more than enough.
Move and find a better place.
Nothing lasts forever; change is inevitable.
Accept, and move on.
my life, my decisions. 🙂