“I don’t think all writers are sad. I think, it’s the other way around – all sad people write.” – LOVE & MISADVENTURE by Lang Leav
I spent my weekend tiring myself. I don’t want to have a free time coz’ I’ll end up thinking of unneccessary thoughts.. And so, I ended up being productive and of course, tired as hell. The funny thing is, my brain doesn’t want to rest. I hate moments like this when I feel like crying for someone I barely know. I get attach easily and this attachment lasts until something or someone new catches my attention.
A song kept playing at the back of my mind, and I kept on saying to myself that I can handle to know he’s not available, he’s taken, has a child, gay, or has benefactor, or younger than I, just not this kind of immediate separation. I just want to see him every shift. He doesn’t have to notice me, nor talk to me, or smile, I just want his presence… His existence is more than enough. I don’t even have to see him often, I just want to know he’s here. I’m craving for his existence.
I hope this one’s the last time I’ll ever open my emotions.
I was raised to be tough, but it seems like I always end up a sore loser.
Everything happened so fast. I recognized him; my heart was happy again. I kept on staring at him, smiling everytime he passes by. I got my chance to have a bus ride with him, and the distance was oohhh soo near, we even walked the same path and only parted ways because we’ll take LRT and he will take either FX or jeepney ride. He almost changed my mind into staying. I felt that there’s a reason for me to stay put; wait and be patient. I was inspired to continue working. I was at the peak of euphoria, and then he disappeared. I was too high that I fell flat, face first on the floor. OUCH!
What else can I do? Who’s to blame here?
Where is he? Why does it have to be that abrupt?
Why is this happening to me? Don’t I deserve to be happy?
I’m not even asking for something too much. I just want to have an object of affection; someone that will make me smile..
This too shall pass by.
I will just remind myself that he’s not mine to keep.
He’s just another good soul, meant to … meant for what?
To hurt me? LOL
Sure thing, I can be happy for him; wherever he is right now, I’m sure he’s at a much better workplace.
Okay! I got broken twice this year. I’ll stay like this; will not even exert an effort to move or let go, or whatever you call it. I’ll just stay like this until it hurts no more.
I will leave, soon and will bring all the memories with me, coz’ I’m sure that there’s something I can learn from each.
There’s something I need to learn from all of these.
This is just a wake up call; another realization I have yet to figure out.
Thank You TWIN ! ｡◕‿◕｡
I miss you …