Share a story where it was very difficult for you to forgive the perpetrator for wronging you, but you did it — you forgave them.
I am person who gets annoyed and irritated easily, but rarely holds angst or grudge. A sleep is enough to make me forget everything; sometimes random thoughts will do.
About the question, it took me a few years, 9 years, if I’m not mistaken before I find peace in my heart to forgive and forget the person, and what had happened.
It was the usual issue of “he broke my heart” stuff. He is he, and I was I – just no ‘US’ to begin with. We were in what I believed and used to consider our own world. I’ve made a mistake, of not realizing what he built, or should I say, I was way too late to see that ‘US’ used to exist. He made a lot of effort, and I was too stubborn to reciprocate nor appreciate it. I was busy living my life, while making him just part of my routine.
He was my close friend’s love interest, and I knew it. I knew all my friend’s frustrations, and I was even her partner in crime, when we do all the stalking and other crazy things that in love ladies will do.
Maybe, it was my karma. I was never a good friend. I betrayed my close friend.
In fairness, honest to goodness, I didn’t do anything to seduce (coz’ I’m not seductive in anyway!) nor attract him. He was the first to make a move. We talk on the phone one night, and it was the start of our secret friendship. No one knew about our late night til dawn talks (even my parents never knew I stayed up late every weekend, sorry!). It was nothing to me; all along, I thought he was doing it, so that he can ask me to be their ‘bridge’. What was I thinking that time? Yeah, I was busy with my own crush, which is not him. Haha. Everything started on summer of 2003, by the way. He was in college, and his busy schedule won’t allow us to have talks every night which I thank heavens coz’ I was busy as well but don’t have enough courage to refuse phone calls. AMP! He made a promise that he’ll call me and we’ll catch up every semestral break. I was like ‘ok, fine’ (whatever), like I really don’t care at all (I really don’t). Well, he didn’t broke his promise. Even if we constantly change phone numbers, he always find a way to get my digits which amuses me — the effort, again! Also, he made it a point, actually, he made me promise not to talk about my close friend; our conversation should be just about ‘us’. I was stupid enough not to see where we’re heading. Our circle of friends didn’t know that we have a communication. While everyone’s complaining that he was so busy, that he no longer have time to bond with the rest, I was the only one who knew what was happening to him. I keep my mouth shut, not because of malice, but I didn’t consider it a big deal. Plus, my close friend was whining about him, not calling nor texting her back. Again, I was busy thinking about my own crush; I didn’t care at all.
Before I graduated High School, he was planning what will I do in college; he was both excited and nervous. He wanted me to take up nursing, He wanted to see me wearing that white uniform, all smiles, while I was, again, busy, thinking of how to apply at PMA. When I finally had the chance to air my own desire, he was disappointed and said “You can’t. It’s too far and dangerous. What if you slip and fall in the woods, how I can rescue you if you’re that far?” my reply was “you’re over reacting! of course, I can handle myself. I’m strong enough, no need to look after me.”
Funny how I can still remember clearly such conversations.
Anyway, when I got into college, I had my new circle of friends. We lost communication for some months, until one day, when I was broken (again), he sent a text message. I knew it was him, my close friend was the one who gave my NEW digits to him. It was a simple, “Hi, I miss you. You miss me?” and I was like “Who are you? I’m not in the mood. So, please, don’t ever text me.” He already sensed something’s wrong. He tried to call that whole day, and said that it was him, I should answer it NOW. Again, I was busy, thinking of my broken heart. Haha. Okay, he knew how to make me answer his calls. He texted my brother. I hate that I was obliged to reply or answer his call. Our communication was once again opened. A lot of catching up, how’s my study, my new friends, etc. His presence was enough to comfort me and made me feel better. That was when I started to believe what my other friends were saying — we have a special friendship. I, still, didn’t take it seriously.
Then, there was a time. Another girl was fantasizing him. In our group, nothing can be kept secret. I heard the whole story, and my close friend was so disappointed and broken, and almost cried. He was not there when it happened, but later that night, without a text, he just called and explained right away. He assured me that there was no issue at all. His kindness was just misunderstood; that I should just listen to him, let no other people come between us. That assurance felt different. He shouldn’t be explaining to me, right? He should’ve called my close friend, instead of wasting time on me. But he didn’t. How did I know? My close friend was losing herself for a week, coz’ he was not replying nor calling her. She was demanding an explanation, something that was given to me, right away, effortlessly.
A tear. She cried. They talked. And that marked the end of what was I beginning to fathom. I was left hanging. I hold on to his words – that I should trust him. Well., I did. I didn’t listen, I refuse to open my eyes to what was happening around. Until, that day, when he and her, became officially, a couple.
What I hate about it is that I was left hanging. He should be man enough to say good bye, at least.
After long years of holding a grudge, last year, December 2012, I finally had the courage to let it go. Let.it.all.go.
It was December 8, to be exact, at the procession (Immaculate Conception), he was waving and all smiles, the usual HIM whenever he sees me, and I just felt like smiling back. That very moment, I felt like it was genuine. I saw in bewilderment in his eyes, and he almost hugged me in disbelief.
If he only knows how and where did I get the strength, I’m sure he’ll be disappointed.
I was so happy, with what was happening with my life, back then.
There’s someone new that made me feel loved. But, we’re just friends.
Anyway, that someone new wasn’t the one.
He just passed by.
I was able to overcome the pain of my past because of that someone.
~ He almost destroyed the wall that I built.