Is it the weather? Is it the moon? Maybe just another cycle of emotion? It can be because of social media stalking? Hmm. I think I know the answer! It’s because I refuse to tell the truth and admit what I’ve been trying to conceal.
If only I was brave enough to say the words that I want to reveal, then, probably, we’re in a much peaceful situation right now. I keep on doubting. Though, I always believe in his words… Did I? Should I? Why would I? As much as I want to, and I really want to, my insecurities holds me back.
Now that he’s starting anew, I can’t help but feel helpless and hopeless. That’s when I decided, I have to start moving forward again. If maybe, I can take that one step, a leap, then, I’m good to go. I have to surpass 24 hours to convince myself that I am capable of doing it. I will do this. If I have just close my eyes, and sleep, I will do it. I have to pacify my emotions to not get drown by another wave of “almost, another used to be”.
I know I made a promise to never interfere, to just let things fall in its right place. I’ve been doing good at waiting for the past few months, and I managed to surpass “love, hate, miss” cycle. I’m getting used to it, and as much I hate to admit it, I’m enjoying the journey with him.
So, what to do? I will stay away from my beloved cellphone, twitter and facebook. Wi-fi for work, music, and video. Just for the next 24 hours. If he really wants to communicate, then, he knows how to reach me. Not that I’m playing hard to get, nor trying to demanding, I just want to prove, for the nth time, how important am I for him. I don’t think he misses me.
Yes, I miss him everyday. I can’t stop myself from thinking how’s he doing, if he’s already fine, and so on and so forth, that I can no longer focus on important things. Too bad that I’m the only one suffering this. Anyway, no one said I should feel this way, I was the one who chose to endure this.
I’m really good at inflicting self pain.
Just like before, I will survive and smile.
If it’s meant to be, then so be it.
For now, I will challenge myself for another moving on battle.