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I do! or I do?

I do or I don’t? : Wedding dilemmas

Why marry?
So simple yet hard to answer. One may end up answering “because we love each other”, which is a legit response, but the thing is, you have to analyze yourself why you want to settle down with your partner.  Love alone is not enough, cause eventually, one day it’ll fade away. Not to discourage couples out there, but this is reality. You have to dig deeper, and know that there’s more to life than love.

In defense of my article (defensive mode on), it’s not that I don’t believe in the importance of marriage, rather, I don’t understand the point why a lot are eager and are willing to move mountains just to get married, when they don’t even know how to love and value themselves.

And how about commitment and loyalty? Those who are committed rarely stay loyal, and those who are loyal tends to run away from commitment. Life is really that ironic, that you just have to laugh at it. I suggest that if you are young, or whatever your age maybe, never rush into marriage. Having a new surname or someone beside you all night long will not assure you of a happy and contented life.

Try to be independent. There’s nothing wrong with being single. Marriage is not a game that you can take start over and over again, until you reach the final stage – there’s no such thing as game over.

Be responsible with your choices.

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realizations

closing credits

Just finished watching the movie “Million ways to die” coz’ I thought it was a comedy. Yah, it was, (partly, or I was just not in the mood for some humor), and gory (facepalm).
There are indeed “a million” ways to die, and it made me think what was I thinking that I always “die” the same means? I’m so pathetic! Haha
After the movie, the last “killing”, death, I felt I was in the mood to write for weehash, not until the closing credits. I saw this, and I DIED the same way again… ‘why oh why’ !!!! 。゚( ゚இ‸இ゚)゚。

i-just-died 

realizations

FIN ~

You are so perfect, and I am not. That’s why we can’t be together, right? When did you realize this, huh?
Anyway, I’m good at this. I’ll be fine, someday, but definitely not tonight, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, IDK when, actually. I’m excited to get you out of my system as well. 
I can handle this no brainer situation that you got me into.
Just be happy with who you spend your time with right now, okay?
Sincerely, I want you to find the one who deserves you. Yeah right, it’s not me, IKR!
Though I still want to believe that we’re soulmates 😀 Coz’ we really are, I told you that, have you heard it?
Sayonara my almost “destiny”.

til’ we meet again ^__^ 

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Date A Girl Who Is Afraid

“But if you find yourself in love with the fearless girl, love her hard. Challenge her. Push her. Let her push you. Let her change your mind and sometimes you will change hers. Prove her wrong, keep her close and let her fly. She may not always be unafraid, and one day she might relax in a place of permanence. She may always want to run, but try and keep up. You may not always catch her, but you will always remember the moments you watched her explode into a billion tiny fireflies and dive into the unknown, sometimes taking you along for the ride.”

Thought Catalog

image - Flickr / black stena image – Flickr / black stena

Date a girl who’s afraid of pain. Her porcelain skin will gleam without the unsightly bruises, cuts and blisters of thoughtlessness. Her soft hands avoid the daring obstacles that harm. You won’t receive frightening hospital calls or have to worry about pulling out splinters. She will know her limits and listen to her judgment. She will always hold on tightly to the handlebars.

Date a girl who’s afraid to offend. You can go on wearing your crocs and cargo pants and she will smile sweetly at your ridiculous outfit. She will get along with your family and never make your mother cry by giving a ‘Meat is Murder’ toast at Thanksgiving dinner. She will bite her tongue and be sure her opinions don’t cause insult to others. You won’t have to always listen to her interject her contradictory viewpoints or subdue her argumentative ways.

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realizations

let.it.be

Just trust the journey.
Trust.trust.trust.
I know and I keep reiterating to myself that I shouldn’t be resentful.
Take a deep breath
Look above
and Smile
This too shall pass
Whether the reason will be revealed or not
Learn to be grateful
Shits happen to everybody
I am not alone
Laugh at my mistake
Shake my head and face my own stupidity
This will pass
Distance is all I need
It’s what he needs probably
I thought I got my gift already
not until I was slapped by the note:
“wait there’s more”
I didn’t ask any gift in the first place
Maybe, it wasn’t for me really
I was too excited that I actually opened something that wasn’t mine
And this is what I got!
Now that its owner finally found the gift
she took it away from my grasp
and together they walk away from my sight
they even took my door with them!
Pathetic! I am so pathetic!
This too shall pass
I will cry if I want to
I will smile even if its a fake one
I will let the wind take me elsewhere
I will feel the pain
until it no longer hurts
until I no longer feel anything
until I forgive myself
until I see him happy …

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coincidence ~

Ever since I’ve known my #soulmate (though he hasn’t realized this yet. he has his own term), I become more aware of things I’d like to believe are what they call “coincidences”. Is it the same as fate? Whatever it is, I’d like to share one recent instance, that made me reconsider the idea of coincidence.

Yes, it’s still about HIM, who else? Anyway, last week was another test of patience. No message from HIM. I patiently waited until Friday, and it passed with NOTHING. Saturday, I woke up in disappointment – no message from him! At around 8 in the morning, good heavens heard my plea, he sent his usual greetings. I didn’t reply, instead I let it remain unread until before noon. I continued with my chores, and after a couple of hours, around noon, I sent a reply, with no smileys, just plain message and graphics. I gave him 5 minutes to reply, then with no response, I then again proceed with my itineraries, and turn off my wi-fi. I tried my best to shake him off my mind! I went to salon, dyed my hair. Time passed by that fast, and some minutes, I managed to focus on other things. When I got home, I opened my wi-fi, and his message popped out. He replied! After 15 minutes… He kinda guessed that I wasn’t at the mood. I answered him honestly. He replied again, this time it was faster. After a few exchange of chats, I was waiting for the right time to tell him about my hair, but, he’s already sleepy. He said that I owe him a story –  why I’m not in the mood. I wanted to tell the truth, and so I did. I told him he’s the reason, and followed “joke”. There it goes. He asked why? I want him to sleep already coz’ he’s tired, so, I told him to just drop what I said and “nyt”. His last words were “ok”, “nyt”. Feeling guilty, at around 1am, I sent a peace sign and goodnight. HE DIDN’T REPLY! I was so disappointed for the nth time. 

Come Monday, I swear to myself, I will not think of him. I will focus on my work. I will try to enjoy my hair. All the while, I was focus on thinking happy thoughts, and even thought of I shouldn’t be mean to him in any way. He has his reasons. I can’t make demands, we’re just friends.
For some reason, an idea crossed my mind, an imagination. While walking fast, I suddenly thought of him waiting at the canteen inside the building. He’s there to ask “why” and “sorry”. The idea made me giggle, but then I had to cut it out of mind. He’s not like that. Again, we’re nothing! When I reached the building, for some reason, I kept on glancing at the canteen, unconsciously. I had to stop myself. 

Then, at around 8, one of my officemates who went down at the canteen, announced that he was there, with bag. I don’t know what to do. I wanted to hide. I’m starting to feel nervous, but had to conceal it, and appear busy and calm or else, my seatmate will surely notice my uneasiness. I don’t know why he bought his breakfast there. Is his office just around? Or did he slept at the van and end up in our building? Whatever it is. I don’t know.

I thought he hates me already. He sent a message to my dear seatmate, and me — nothing. Anyway, I was telling my seatmate that I’m about to lose my special someone because of honesty. She said, my special someone doesn’t hate me, rather loves me. At the middle of my emotional realization, his name popped at my screen. He called me by my nickname. I waited for some minutes, I had to calm myself. I missed calling him with the nickname I gave him. I thought he will not reply AGAIN, but he did. Though the chat was short, at least it’s better than nothing, right?

Can he really read my mind? Are we that “close”, that he can sense my emotions? Or is it what they call coincidence? I experienced a lot of it already, and most of it was with him. One more, I need to see it  in front of my face. I mean, this time, I want to feel his presence personally. If he can put it in action, then, I will believe his idea of destiny and meant to be. 

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Pet #2

There’s a new one, right?
I guess, they’re all the same… 
This too shall pass.
This will pass…
You will pass…
I might pass away!!!
Damn you! 
How come I can’t get mad at you?!
Well, I hope you’re happy whatever occupies your time.
I’ll be keeping your “words”
TRUST.PATIENCE.
I’m lacking both ~
How could you do this to me?!
You’ll see …
I’ll be smiling, one of these days.

~ with or without you 0_o 

 

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3 days

A month long euphoria was put to a sudden stop, just like that.
The first day was okay
The second day was vengeful
The third day was numbness
You no longer feel anything. The pain took charge of your entirety, you were helpless.
You just give up and surrender everything. There’s nothing you can do about it.
The very thing that you’re holding, taking care of, and loving unconditionally slipped off AGAIN. Again, again, again, over and over again. But how come you it feels like your first?
You, then again, starts to wonder why.
If he’s not the one, then who is it?
You fall, he fall, isn’t perfect?
Why didn’t you catch each other?
How come it ended when it hasn’t officially started?

I don’t know the difference of this one to the other “another used to be’s”
I don’t know why I keep coming back.
I don’t know why he keep coming back either.

This one hurts physically. I can feel it in my chest! Or is it that I have some sort of heart disease? Shiz! Why do I have to suffer this on my much awaited birthday month.

It’s supposed to be very simple. I just complicated everything by not telling the truth. I didn’t deny anything, I didn’t confirmed anything either. So, does it mean that I lied?

I just want him make decisions. He should be the one in charge, and I will follow like an obedient dog. Well, if he can’t, then. I don’t know.

This too shall pass… If not, then I will believe 100%, that we’re meant to be.

For now, I will focus on creating C-H-A-N-G-E …

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Move on Part#3

Is it the weather? Is it the moon? Maybe just another cycle of emotion? It can be because of social media stalking? Hmm. I think I know the answer! It’s because I refuse to tell the truth and admit what I’ve been trying to conceal.

If only I was brave enough to say the words that I want to reveal, then, probably, we’re in a much peaceful situation right now. I keep on doubting. Though, I always believe in his words… Did I? Should I? Why would I? As much as I want to, and I really want to, my insecurities holds me back.

Now that he’s starting anew, I can’t help but feel helpless and hopeless. That’s when I decided, I have to start moving forward again. If maybe, I can take that one step, a leap, then, I’m good to go. I have to surpass 24 hours to convince myself that I am capable of doing it. I will do this. If I have just close my eyes, and sleep, I will do it. I have to pacify my emotions to not get drown by another wave of “almost, another used to be”.

I know I made a promise to never interfere, to just let things fall in its right place. I’ve been doing good at waiting for the past few months, and I managed to surpass “love, hate, miss” cycle. I’m getting used to it, and as much I hate to admit it, I’m enjoying the journey with him.

So, what to do? I will stay away from my beloved cellphone, twitter and facebook. Wi-fi for work, music, and video. Just for the next 24 hours. If he really wants to communicate, then, he knows how to reach me. Not that I’m playing hard to get, nor trying to demanding, I just want to prove, for the nth time, how important am I for him. I don’t think he misses me.

Yes, I miss him everyday. I can’t stop myself from thinking how’s he doing, if he’s already fine, and so on and so forth, that I can no longer focus on important things. Too bad that I’m the only one suffering this. Anyway, no one said I should feel this way, I was the one who chose to endure this.

I’m really good at inflicting self pain.
Just like before, I will survive and smile.
If it’s meant to be, then so be it.

For now, I will challenge myself for another moving on battle.

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sore ~

Every thing is falling into its right place, but I am standing still, holding every bits of sanity that’s left of me. For how long can I protect myself from falling, that I don’t know. Is it good or bad? I want to try and see where it will go. Every time I do let it take charge, it slips away and ruins the momentum. Whether to hold it tight or don’t hold it at all, either way leaves me wondering. I want an answer, and end to this paranoia. Should I embrace his words? Should I? Can anybody please say yes?! I just want this to never end.

I keep on coming back, to that one happy place ~
Should I give up, or should I give in?
Why you so hard to understand! Or is it just me that’s complicating the story?
Prove it, and I’ll stop doubting …